Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Top 10 Reasons Why You (and I) Should Be Proud to Be A Malaysian/Patriotic (Reposted and Refurbished)

Original post on 1st July 2005.

To usher in our 48th National Day on 31st August 2005, and in order to give a positive image and bright side of our beloved Tanah tumpahnya darahku, here are the top 10 reason why you and I should be proud to be a Malaysian...wait a minute, before that the reasons are not that we have our own 'power-window-not-functioning' national car, the tallest (not anymore, should have built a taller one, damn Taiwan!!!) building in the world and conquerers of the English Channel, Antartic, Mount Everest and sea around the world.

10. We are a caring and thrifty society
We keep in touch with each other with the latest news by sending SMS and e-mails about any price increase in petrol. Then, we could queue up and wait for hours at petrol stations to save a few sens of our hard-earned money.

9. We have our ID cards long before a developed nation has
We are very proud of our ID card that we line up as early as 6am to secure a place for the renewal of it. We are also proud to have all sorts of ID cards embedded with biometric chips-for adults, kids, immigrants, students, and all sorts of categories to think of.

8. We are a nation of pure and decent minds
We will not be exposed to any form of sex, violence and horror as our government cared for us very much by eliminating 'poisons of our mind.'

7. We have an all-in-one super natural drug-Ali's Cane
Give way Pfizer and their Viagra! Never mind No. 8, and the increase in rape and incest, we have our own super all-in-one sex drug which has been proven to boost men's libido, penis size, testosterone, semen volume etc etc (whatever you could think of everything's related to men's nether regions).

6. We are a nation of brainy doctors
Never mind the claim that there is a shortage of doctors; we highly regard and give a high social status for the profession of a medical doctor and gave a lot of media coverage on them. And fear no more! We have perfect 4.00 brainy doctors whom we will look up to have zero records of malpractice, late or misdiagnosis. In fact, we will be declared one of the healthiest nation in the world, ala 'Selangor-developed state status.'

5. Malaysia is a good place to invest for the health sector, particularly in the genitourinary (GUM) field and tobacco-related illnesses.
Our official number one ranking in the world for diabetes-complicated kidney failure by the US Renal Data Registry and related to reason no.6, Malaysia will be attractive for drug companies to set up clinical trials and to manafacture and market GUM-related drugs. And thanks to our protective government and their 'Tak Nak' campaign, pharmaceutical companies producing lung cancer drugs will be smiling all the way to the bank if they 'Nak' invest in Malaysia.

4. We will soon be one of the pioneers in ethnic space food and cuisine technology.
Malaysia's space (and future moon) programme. Enough said.

3. We have our own wide coverage of 'criminal celebrities.'
Move over Michael Jackson, Robert Blake, OJ Simpson, Martha Stewart and Robert Downey Jr. We have our own celebrities to cover involved in e-mail defamation, drugs, divorce and wife battery etc.

2. We support the originals.
Never mind that our latest national car models looked like replicas of foreign cars and still using foreign engines and still the fluorishing of bootlegs, we have Ori holograms for optical discs and Meditag for medicine. And the next could be holograms for original Datuks.

and finally,

1. We will always be safe of alien or monstrous creature attacks or extraordinary natural disasters.
Our country will somehow be missing or already vanished from any alien or disaster attacks (but not the haze; sorry), leaving US, particularly New York to be attacked by aliens (hence War of the Worlds) or covered by snow due to global warming (hence The Day After Tomorrow). We will also never see superheroes (Spiderman, Batman, The Incredibles)rescuing us from snatch thieves as we are a safe country.


Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan, Malaysia! (and also Happy Death Anniversary to Princess Diana)

oooppsss...did I get the right flag, or should it be this flag instead due to our Americophilic TV station.


Yo...wassup dude...to al' da homies, bradas and sistas out there...Appy Indie Pendance Day to de United States of Malaysia. Wear your bling-blings and fly da flag out dude...

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