Monday, September 12, 2005

Kisah Seorang Pengeblog Yang Terlampau dan Dilampaui: My flight back home's experience...

Well, as promised in my last post, here are the topics which I will blog about:

1. How I ended up throwing away some nectarines and peaches! WTF!!!
Well, I went to the aiport two hours earlier, the check-in counter queue was long and when I finally reached my turn, the counter clerk asked me to weigh my hand luggage as they have a 'strict 5 kg one-piece of hand luggage per person' policy. But my hand luggage was already 13kg. Btw, I had a bag of fruits in my luggage consisting of blueberries, peaches, nectarines, raspberries and avocados amounting to a total of around 5 Pounds. As a filial son, I wanted my family to taste some 'Western fruits'. But me not willing to take risks and the raspberries are at their peak of menstruations, I gobbled up the whole packet of blueberries and dumped the others into a nearest bin before proceeding to the departure gate. WHAT A WASTE!!!!!! Arghhhh....And you know what? Finally I found of that they don't really have a strict weight restriction at the departure gate scan. WTF!!!

What nice packets of fruits! To be ended up in a ...

..fcuking dustbin! Nope, don't wanna be going around distributing fruits coz they may think I'm a fruit terrorist if not Cinderella's stepmother!

2. Skimpy dressing of MAS stewardess-a truth or a myth?
Not going to say much on this and let you make the judgement based on the following photo. One thing though that on the plane, stewardesses like to put their pens in their..ahem...cleavage. Some horny pervert old man might just pretending to request for a pen and sniff it all the way through.
Was it relevant for MPs to be discussing about this kind of attire at Parliament? You make the judgement yourself.

3. The double-standard treatment of xenophilic MAS stewardess-a truth or a myth?
Well, this time of travel was better than last time where they made remarks like 'Ini mesti Orang Malaysia' and somehow gave a different look on foreigners and locals (Or is it just me? Someone here could defend me?). But one bitchy stewardess was quite rude to me and a foreigner beside me. We were having dinner and the fcuking place was so cramp already so we had to stack our empty trays of food to make space. Then when she came and collect our dirty plates, the fcuking biatch directed us like a nurse ordering us not to stack the fcuking trays in future. She did not attempt to unstack the trays but instead angrily grumbled at me. FCUKING BIACTH!!! Idris Jala need to sack people like you to make profits.

4. Movies I saw on-flight and a brief review of them, especially the no-brainer Potret Mistik.
On flight, we were offered Hostage, Herbie Fully Loaded, Lords of Dogtown, Sisterhood of Travelling Pants and an obscure Pride and Prejudice for English movies and no-brainer Potret Mistik as the single Malay movie. Upon finish watching the film, I was thinking to myself: "I'm so going to blog about Potret Mistik when I reach home and bash as hard as I could."

Not sure when was it shown on the silver screens in Malaysia but it should be quite some time ago. Personally, not really read any comments about the movie but generally the movie sucked BIG TIME!!! (as always Profesor Madya A Razak Mohaideen's and Metrowealth's other films).

According to an internet search the synopsis is as follows:
Potret Mistik mengisahkan sekumpulan mahasiswa di pusat pengajian tinggi, Jeff, Asih, Harry dan Winnie sedang menjalankan tugasan menghasilkan buletin kampus. Masing-masing membuat persiapan untuk menulis mengenai hal yang berlainan.

Jeff yang tertarik dengan kewujudan sebuah banglo ingin menulis mengenai perkara aneh yang berlaku di banglo itu. Misteri bermula apabila Jeff menemui potret berhampiran banglo tersebut.

Sejak itu, dia sering mengalami mimpi aneh. Asih yang membuat artikel berhubung rumah anak yatim pula menemui bukti mengaitkan Jeff dengan banglo tersebut.

Kira-kira 23 tahun lalu, Kartini meminta pelukis, Hayden melukis potretnya untuk dihadiahkan kepada suaminya, Amar yang ke luar negara atas urusan perniagaan.

Sekembalinya Amar, dia mendengar cerita daripada penduduk sekitar bahawa Kartini berlaku curang kerana sering dikunjungi lelaki sewaktu ketiadaannya. Amar marah maka berlakulah peristiwa yang sangat mengerikan. Apakah kaitan Jeff dengan banglo tersebut dan potret siapakah yang ditemuinya di banglo itu?

First of all, Jeff would be very happy to have his name as the main cast and luckily they did not have a website "www.tembak-tembakskrin.com" set up for that. :P Okay, jokes aside, they movie really sucked big time. As given in the synopsis, Jeff was investigating this house where there were strange things happening in a bungalow. And you know what? The 'strange things' mentioned were not spooky voices, banging doors, misty fogs in the air. IT WAS FCUKING BRIGHT WHITE LIGHTS BLINKING!!! I mean WTF? I thought that all ghosts should be afraid of the light or if not, they like to be in the dark? And then, the 'ghost' also murdered the painter of the portrait IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!.

Okay, well, after further watching, I was wrong to make the above assumption. It turned out the 'ghost' was not quite well...a ghost (that's what the selling point of the story was, I guess-to give people suspence?) and it turned out that it was a schizophrenic psychotic freak was a maid to the dead woman in the portrait. She was seen carrying around the corpse around the house, sometimes hugging and kissing it. The corpse turned out to be pretty real but not so scary though, with a decomposing face but surpisingly not smelly, had no maggots around and had a ahem...'bulit' chest. (The woman and hence the corpse was cameoed by Erra Fazira).

The maid turned out to be schizophrenic because her mistress (as in the woman master kind) was murdered by her master who was drunk and was saying 'Kalau minum arak dosa, kau tu zina tak dosa ke?' She somehow turned schizo in just a few seconds the moment the wife was murdered, that she murdered her master in return and turned psycho since. Throughout the movie, she was very protective to her mistress and helped her to seek her lost son, Jeff; so much so that she looked like her MISTRESS!!! I'm not joking here. Not sure about how maids could be so loyal and protective to their masters, but this maid is a mega-hyper-ultra-loyal one, hugging and kissing her all the time, also trying to seek revenge for her! Is was like they were having a...ahem...les affair or something. I KNOW NOW!!! Maybe that could be the reason why the husband murdered her!

And the thing which amazed me was that the movie costs RM 1.5 million and was selected for some film festival or something and won some award? WTF!!! The frigging film was not even aptly named. WHAT WAS SO MYSTICAL ABOUT THE PORTRAIT ANYWAY??? It was only barely shown a few times and Erra Fazira got to be the face of the promotional poster under what grounds? Laying there and play corpse?

The Oscars for the 'Best Horomoerotic (Horror and Homo Erotic) Film' goes to...

I think that's all for today and still to come in my next post:

5. How the flight was greeted with our burning fields mega-festival.

6. What should we better manage the billions of acres of palm oil plantations along the highway.

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