Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Alpha Male Squatting Kong: "Get Your Hands Off My Woman!"

Warning: This post contains plot spoilers.

Went to see Kong today and it was 3 hours long!!! Seemed like a Peter Jackson tradition to have all his films at least 3 hours long. So, like Porter Potter, don't go and be pandai-pandai watch at midnight. Nanti everybody cry cry u alone go and fall asleep one, I garangtee! (Yes, I admit it was a tear-jerker)

I have a vague memory when did I actually watch it as it was sometime before I even grow pubes teeth or something. The only memory I got is that the King Kong is very protective for a hot chick, courting her up to New York, where it was finally shot down after unsuccessful attempts by the hot chick to stop them from doing so. And oh yeah...those infamous shouts.

Quite anticipated the remake of the film to be out this year as there had been hypes of the filming of it, largely due to the 'Peter Jackson LOTR' withdrawal symptoms . Also kinda skeptical of how the remake would be, as with the boom of CGI, you really can't stop imagining those green screens and robotic movements. I was proven wrong though, so here's my attempt for the film's review.

Fake! All faking green!!!

First of all, 5 words to decribe the film are:
Desperate Ape Seeking Desperate Woman.

Gah! Everyone seemed to be soooo desperate in the film:

Kong was desperate for a hot toygirl.
(He seriously needs to get laid already!)

Lil' girl, will you play with Daddy Monkey? There's no other monkeys in this island...and I don't mind a distant relative to play with...

Ann Darrow was desperate for a job as an entertainer. Or a shouter.

Poor me. I can't even afford an apple that I'm considering to be strip show girl! Or shouter.

Carl Denham was desperate for a blockbuster movie (and money).

I'm going to shoot a movie in Skull Island (some island off Malaysia Indonesia wohoo!!!)

Jack Driscol was desperate for a blockbuster playwrite. And Kong's jealous of him.

"I wrote a comedy playwrite for you. Isn't that obvious?" Aww...c'mon man...just f*****g say 'I lurve you' already!!!

Generally, I would say the film ingredients consist of:

20% of Titanic (for the lovey-dovey, tear-jerking factor and the length of the film!)

20% of Shrek (for the human-beast love relationship)

20% of Jurassic Park

Get lost Spielberg, Jackson's here!!!

15% of Superman/Spiderman (Hunky hero saves the day! Hero climbs New York buildings! Girl falls for the hero!)

15% of Incredible Hulk (I'll be nasty when I'm horny angry!)

5% of Alien vs. Predator (Beast wars. Kong vs. Dinos, Bats, Insects)

and finally...
5% of Narnia (ANIMALS again!!! And the wicked lamp post amongst the snow!!!)

Overall, I would rate the film as 9/10. Maybe because of the 'monster film' drought we're suffering. The 1 point less from being perfect was for the anti-climax 'while-I'm-f**king-crying-you-go-and-show-airplane-

All images were sourced from Kong Is King. All copyrights are held by their respective owners.

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