Saturday, August 05, 2006

Miami Vice: All About Speedboats and Hot Shower S3x.

Went for Miami Vice on Thursday actually but only got the chance to blog about it now.

Warning: Plot spoilers ahead. All images are sourced and copyrighted to Rotten Tomatoes.

From TV screen to the silver screen- TV remakes. What can I say? From Charlie's Angels, Dukes of Hazzard, Starsky and Hutch, Bewitched to even the Mission Impossible series, almost all them are flops, I can say! Except for the more relatively longer lasting erection impression for the boobs and booties in Charlie's Angels, the same could be said the same for this latest TV remake, Miami Vice.

Here's the synopsis of the film from Wikipedia:

After a tragic security breach in the Joint Inter-Agency Task Force (JIATF), run by Agent FBI Agent Fujima (Ciarán Hinds), the FBI ask for help from the Miami authorities, who are not part of the compromised group. This assignment goes to Detectives James 'Sonny' Crockett (Colin Farrell) and Ricardo 'Rico' Tubbs (Jamie Foxx). Going undercover as offshore boat racers and outlaw smugglers Sonny Burnett and Rico Cooper, they take on the narcotrafficking network of the mysterious Archangel de Jesus Montoya-Londono (Luis Tosar) and his Cuban Chinese banker, Isabella (Gong Li).

The case lures Crockett and Tubbs into a deep and grimey underworld, where identity and fabrication become blurred. Cop and Player fuse into one—making their lives even more difficult, especially when Crockett falls for Isabella, and when Tubbs's loved one (Naomie Harris) is assaulted. José Yero (John Ortiz), second in command to Archangel de Jesus Montoya-Londono, suspects Crockett's and Tubbs's false identities and attempts to strike the hardest at them by targeting those whom they love the most.


And here's the movie poster:



In 8 words, I would describe the movie as:

Drug logistics, high speedboats and hot shower-shags.


To save time and thinking, here is a review in IMDB which would best describe what I would think about the film:

Sure enough, for the first time, Michael Mann didn't sidestep my opinions. From the first scene in the nightclub, Jamie Foxx has taken over the actions of Tom Cruise. Break a bodyguard, step on him and look up past the camera. That was a great maneuver in Collateral, now I think it's cheese. So he's a tough dude. Colin Farrell is a charmer we learn immediately. So we'll expect sex scenes. Yeah. Too bad the characters are in the same camera shot but miles apart chemistry wise. It's just emotionally cold sex. There's no sense of a symbiotic relationship between Farrell and Foxx either. Both of them just seem to immediately know how to get things done and don't really do anything together that one couldn't do alone or with a randomly assigned partner. Their characters dominate every scene of possible tension and diffuse it immediately. Which is what I consider to be the film's second greatest weakness, the lack of tension and drama. We have to watch talk scenes. Characters talk to characters. Deceive characters by talking. Talk about deceiving by talking. Then fly or pilot a speedboat to talk somewhere else and talk over the phone. All quick witted and distant. It's all supposed to keep the audience wondering and guessing. Which is what it does, makes you wonder why any of it matters and try to guess if there will be any action or resonance with a character. Which is the film's greatest weakness.


Yes, the movie is yet another flop, even without Tom Kulus.


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I think the tagline for the film should be "Catch Jamie Foxx faking it in Miami Vice".


For those still in the dark, Gong Li is the lead actress of a film, the first for an Asian lady? As mentioned in the synopsis, she is a Cuban-Chinese banker in the film. As there's nothing impressive to mention about the film, I'm going to mention more about her performance in this film.

From a high-class top Kyoton Geisha to a slutty sleazy Chino Latino (not to be confused with a very popular restaurant chain), is her Chinese looks convincing enough for us to bring ourselves to believe her characters? Not so for the former one, but yes indeed for the latter. Her (still) poor English is indeed a blessing in disguise for her as her portrayal of a Latino doesn't need her to speak good English.

Posh Japanese Geisha=not convincing.

"Okay, which part of me makes you think that I'm a China Doll?"


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"I'm a senorita, okay, not Ah Lian!"


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"Sleazy senorita, would you dance with me?"

Yes, convincing as a sleazy Chino Latino. Period. Nothing impressive besides that. First, she doesn't look like a bossy drug warlord's right hand to me. (Karen Mok would do better than her as seen in Around The World in 80 Days). Arrogant enough but not convincing.


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Arrogant but not bossy enough. Nice try, Gong Li!

And hell, how charming and seducive Colin Farrell could be? As mentioned above, just a few peeks of her and maybe she has seen his latest video sex-romp, Colin wanted to pork her already! Wow, I would love to be in Colin's shoes!


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"A few peeks is already enough to make me pork you, babeh! Coz I lurve inter-racial shags, have you not seen my home-made video?"

Performance in bed? Neh...disappointing enough! There's no chemistry at all! And what's with Michael Mann's obsession with shower sex huh?


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Action=2, Chemistry=0.

And towards the end, when Colin's indentity is finally revealed, she isn't surprised at all!


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"Who are you?!!!" *Blank and tulan face all the time*

Overall, I would give the film a lame 4/10 rating.

And so far, almost all of the summer blockbusters are big letdowns! Unless Swifty's Vertical Distance proved me otherwise. ;)

Related film review: Meh-muars of a Gay-sha Reviewed

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